To Live With Yourself

For the past five years I’ve been alone, all by myself, having minimum interaction with the outside world. I never had a romantic life, none at all. When I was at school I had a small group of friends and we used to be very close to each other. After I passed out all my friends moved on to bigger and better things and I, well I was stuck with myself alone with nobody to talk to or hang around with. It wasn’t anybody’s fault, you see even when I was in school I wasn’t a very outside going kind of person. To interact with new people was, is a challenge that is very difficult for me.

I can talk to people who I am familiar with, in my own house I’m considered to have a, “big mouth”, even my friends know that I can talk if I know the person well enough. It is a common thing, I believe. Anyway, since all my friends moved away to pursue their lives, I came to a stand still. In the beginning it was odd, I had never felt alone because I kept myself busy doing something or the other, but as time passed by this feeling of loneliness started getting stronger.

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I used to sit in my room and look out the window, thinking how it would be to go out in the world, it was scary to even think about it. Slowly and slowly I I spent more time locked in my room and just sit there, thousands of thoughts whizzing through my mind. I used to go upstairs and listen to music to keep my mind off things but that too stopped eventually. The only person who understood that I was going through some difficulty was my mother. I used to, and still do tell her every little thing that happened in my life.

She only gave me one advice, that too live with yourself is a very difficult task but once you do learn how to, you won’t need anyone else. I thought more and more about what she said and started on this difficult endeavour. It may seem easy to live by yourself, with nobody around to even to talk to but accepting yourself is really a very difficult thing to do. You know yourself the best and it makes it that more difficult to live with yourself. Only you know what you’ve done or not done in your life, whether it was the right thing to do or not.

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In the end, while going through this phase of my life I came to realise that yes, it is difficult to accept yourself but when you start the journey you slowly ease into that lifestyle and after that you don’t need anyone else to be there with you, it is you who completes you.

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